Thursday, May 31, 2012

A Lorenzo worth a word

Below is some fantastic work from one @lwordsmith This stuff is rough, tough and dangerous, enjoy.

WHERES MA DOUGH YA MADDY.!!!!      (A Job Centre Tale)             
 HEY,
WHERES MA GIRO YA FUCKIN MADDY,?
THE WANES ARE STARVIN AM NO A BADDY,
IM STRAIGHT UP YA PEECE A PISH, AM GOONAY END UP CRACKIN YER DISH.....!
SO SEE YER BOSS AND SORT IT OOT !
WIT THE FUK UR YEES AWE ABOOT,, ?
AM NO JOKIN AVE NO BEEN SMOKIN,,!
ITS FUR THE WANES NOO USE YER BRAINS AND PUT IT OAN THE COONTER PRONTO........                        
 Now listen here Mr err,, smith or jones its not our fault yer skin and bones,, ?
We only pay for those thats able,,
who put their credentials oan the table,,
No need for violence or threats of damage, im sure if patient we can sort some cabbage,, but sir remember we arent charity,,
Im afraid we need to have some clarity, so if youl sit for an hour or so il see my supervisor and ask for dough,,
just sign right here to say your able,, for work if that is your bloody stable,, what have you done to look for work,,
What have you been trying to earn a buck..?                     
RIGHT THATS IT,,
YOUR FULL OF SHIT HEN,,
YOU KNOW FINE WELL I SIGNED,, WAY THAT PEN,, THAT WAS A WEEK AGO LAST FRIDAY,, !
IVE NO HAD FUCK AWE BUT A BRIDIE,, FAE GREGGS THE BAKERS CHEAP AS CHIPS,, THE WANES HAD AN APPLE WITHOUT THE PIPS,, LOOK STOAP THE SHITE IM FUCKIN DUE IT,,
WHERES THE DOUGH THATS NO COME THROUGH YET,,
IM GETTING ANGRY AND A WEE BIT SICK OF YOU LOT TREATIN ME LIKE A DICK,, !
IVE DONE THE JOAB SEARCH AND SAID AM ABLE,,
 ITS YOUR JOAB TOO TO GET ME STABLE,,
FIND ME WURK OR PAY ME OOT,, AM NO A LEECH WHOS TOOK AND TOOK,.....                        
Now sir,,
I promise to do my upmost to sort this oot,,
but please refrain from freekin oot,,
We have security to safely Guard us and remove said persons who try to harm us,,
I will be fair and try my best,,
I believe you arent just another pest,,?
Its probably a mix up with the post, I'l try and find where its bloody loast,,
I'm sure its been sent but il just check,, and see if we can pay an emergency checque,,
Just be more patient and calm it doon,, and dont go screaming the whole place doon,, !
il be right back just sit there tight and hopefully the wanes can eat the night....                  
AWRITE HEN,, IM CALMING DOON,,
I'M SORRY IF I BLEW UP TOO SOON,,
I'TS JUST THAT HER INDOORS IS CRAZY,,
SHES SCREAMS IM OOT IM FUCKIN LAZY,,,
THATS NO THE CASE IM TRYING HARD, TO PLEASE HER FAT ASS, THE TUB O LARD,, !
SHE DISNAE BUDGET AND WERE SKINT NOO,, BUT IVE BEEN SENT BACK ROON THE BROO,,
SO PLEASE DONT THINK AM ALWAYS LIKE THIS,,
ITS JUST THE MISSUS DISNAE TAKE PISS,,
THE HOOS IS CLATTY AND INFESTED, THE CUPBOARDS BARE I FUCKIN DETEST IT,,
HURRY BACK EH,, AND SAVE MA BACON,, /
COS MER SHITE AM NO FUR TAKIN,,
IL SIT ER,, THERE,, NEXT TAY JUNKIE TAM,, HES IN HERE HIDIN OAN THE LAM,,,!
THE COPPERS WANT TAY LOAK HIM UP,, ,
SO SERVE ME FIRST IF HES OOT A LUCK,
YOU KNOW HES ONLY GONNAY JAG MER MUCK....                         
Well there sir,,
I'm the advisor,,,,
may i say yer cash should have arrived there,,,?
So are you still at same address or how did we arrive at this awful mess,..?
Well thats in order sir its lost in transit,,,
So I must insist you do re-post it, if it arrives after we pay oot,, another sum of welfare loot,..!!
Is that ok Sir if i go and get it, it'l no be awe yer due but please dont sweat it,,,
It'l be enough to feed the wanes and keep you oot of baw n chains,,
yer missus might no be pure happy,but the wane will huv a nice clean nappy..
I'l be right back and sort yer payment,,its just ma joab no need to comment,...                             
AWE BLESS YOU HEN AM REALLY SORRY,,
YOUVE TOOK AWAY MOST OF MA WORRY,,
THE WANES WILL EAT AND HAVE CLEAN ARSES AND IL HAVE LESS EARACHE FAE THE LARD ASS...
A CANNY THANK YOU AWE ENOUGH,, COS BEGGING DOON HERE IS PURE ROUGH,,
JUST GEEZA CALL SO A KIN BOLT,,
I NEED TO DO JUST WHAT IM TOLT,,IL GO RIGHT BACK PUT THE MARRIAGE BACK ON THE TRACK,,
A WANT TAY WORK AND PAY MA WAY,,
ITS JUST NAY JOABS OOT THERE THESE DAYS....                                   
Right sir sorted sign right there,,
I hope youve no sat too long in that chair,,, heres a payment of 90 quid,, itl cover til the hungers rid,,
We will send the rest oot wance its clear,that the other giro will appear,
So have a good day and see you soon, dont let welfare get you doon,?
Yer awe entitled if yer tryin,, !
Theres no real point just sat there cryin..
I'm sure a joab soon wull be fur you,,
Then no need to see you do the broo...                                     
RIGHT THANKS A LOT,,
THATS SMASHING GREAT,
I BETTER RUN HOME AND NO BE LATE, THE SHOPS ARE OPEN FUR A WEE BIT,,
IL GRAB THE WANES A NICE WEE TREAT,
AYE, ,,
THE MISSUS KIN GO AND GET THE GRUB AND PUT A SMILE OAN THAT TORN GUBB,,
ITS MER THAN ANY GUY WID WANT,TAY COME DOON BROO WAY CAP IN HAND,
BUT NEEDS MUST SOMETIMES WHEN YER ABLE,
TO BEG FUR THE FINANCE TAY HELP GET STABLE,,,
ACH, YEEZ DAY A GOOD JOAB REALLY HEN AND I MUST SAY IM SORRY WHEN,,
GUYS LIKE ME JUST LOSE THE PLOT,,
ITS JUST WHEN WE THINK THAT, THAT'S IS WUR LOT..
THERES HOPE YET HEN,,
EH,, DONT YA THINK,?
RIGHT IM OFF BEFORE TAM GETS THE KLINK.....
CHEERS TA HEN.....

The Punter. (just like me)


Every man and their dog suitably attired with the alleged proper garments "The suit, shirt n tie" and furnished with the odd title or letter scramble, before or after name, has given opinion or vote, on the past, present and dubious future of Rangers FC.
Seemingly much more than any other wayward club at any time.?


Some of these Suit components have wallowed against the walls of Chum-ville for longer than we care to remember and other new specialists arrive seemingly In waves, still.
On an almost daily basis to dizzy the layman with heidy tales of salvation or woe.
Sadly though, throughout the Calamity that engulfs and threatens to dis-arm any form of Scotlands favorite sport actually taking place, one vote or opinion Is sadly lacking.


The Punter...!


The Punter, that long suffering supplier of volume, fervour, fever, fanaticism and revenue.
The customer, the supplier and transmitter of the visual and Audio magnetism that reaches out and creates Country, European and World spectacle.


The Punter..


The true financial master,
The life blood of the game anywhere,
That most important single entity that constantly drags football up from It's knees each time It crashes against the rocks of Corporation and Commercial Claptrap.


Votes to save, Votes to End,
Votes to pretend that all Is well or will be, made by people that arrived and led the Forgotten and Shelved Punter to this point to begin with..


Is It not about time, that Clarity, Transparancy and Honesty actually meant to Clearly show the Truth.!


No more double speak, no more false promises and secret Deadlines, ?
No more waffle for self preservation of the few that elected the few to control the many.


For real change, why not Invite the long suffering supporter to vote on behalf of all supporters and their clubs, In any game changer.?
Each club panders to their own support, buy tickets, buy strips, hospitality, travel, etc etc..
Boy do they pay.
Let's face It,
If a Company or Business or Club as they all are, can vote to save themselves when they are factually at fault to begin with, then It should not be left solely to those of similar Ilk, to decide what in effect The Punter actually pay's for and Props Up.


The Punter.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

What did they cost you?



We all remember that feeling walking out of Rugby Park nine years ago on May 25th. Despite winning the title three times down there since, it didn't make up for the fact that how could such a great Celtic team end a season with nothing?

There will be lots of blogs and opinions in the aftermath of Scotland's Enron last night but although there were plenty moments of fun throughout Mark Daly's programme I was left feeling sick by it. If we take into account that their investigation started from 2001 and saw huge amount of financial vandalism, the real cost to supporters isn't just the titles and trophies their teams missed out on, but much did you actually pay to prop up a corrupt league?

If we say from 2001-2011 then your average season ticket holder will have paid in £3-5000. If you are an away game attender then you can throw in another £5000 in ticket money and probably the same in travel costs. Chuck in your drink and food, and you're at over £15,000.

£15,000.

£15,000 to watch a rigged game.

This is the reason why I have held back on my season ticket. This is the reason why no one should have bought one until the decision is made on Rangers.

That decision can only be expulsion. There is no argument whatsoever for Rangers ever being allowed to play football again.

All supporters in Scotland now know the full extent of the corruption.

And just think back to how you felt at Rugby Park in 2003.

Never again.

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Paid in Chelsea

In the 80s a group of friends decided to up sticks and move to London for work. They ended up in Battersea and after one serious session on a Friday they ended up with centre stand tickets on the Saturday for Chelsea v Liverpool. Hungover they took their seats among the few posh folk there and started up a discussion among themselves "Who we supporting the day then?" Pause before reply "Ach Chelsea, Liverpool win everything and it would be good tae see them get beat fir once". As the teams finished their warm up "The Shed", where the most hardcore Chelsea fans stood, started up "The Sash". Cue my mates "Come on Liverpool!!!!!!!!"

I wass brought up in a time where Chelsea were a yoyo team, bit like West Ham now, and to see them win the Champions League last night was weird and, in all honesty, sickening. Sure they have moved a mile and a bit from theor racist, sectarian outlook as the middle and upper classes of West London pay for their expensive seats now and racism is comes from the captain more than the stands but the undercurrent of hate remains and witness the recent booing of the rememberance of 96 people dying to know that there are still a lot of hate-filled scum who follow them.

Chelsea have moved on from the days of booing their own player, Paul Canonville, on his debut on April 12 1982 but let's face it Chelsea won the lottery when Roman bought them and if they are a lottery winner, then they are Michael Carroll.

Sometimes football can leave you cold and yesterday was one of those freezing days. After Hearts thrashing of Hibs, a severe gubbing aye but the way Craig Thomson's performance has been brushed over is digraceful, you were looking for a classic Champions League Final, and what you got as Red Star Belgrade v Marseille. That said I don't have any truck with the wailing wall of Barcelona sympathisers greeting about their second teams exclusion from the tournament, you had two chances to beat Chelsea and couldn't.

So the curtain comes down on the season and all I can say is thankfully the Euros are not far away so yesterday can quickly be erased from the memory.



A guide to recognising your Saints



Fans of Sport in America will know this story, for those who don't, here is a summary. A disgruntled former employee notified the NFL that the New Orleans Saints defence had a pool of money put in by players that would pay players if they knocked an opposing player out of a game. Something like $5,000 for a hit. The Defensive Coordinator, Greg Williams, not only knew about this, but actively encouraged it. With the NFL being sued by former players over concussions and the like, the NFL has decided they must stop this and make an example out of the Saints, even though its clear that this happens everywhere in the NFL. The Saints head coach Sean Payton has been banned from American football for one year, and General Manager, Mickey Loomis, for eight games. Neither of them had knowledge of what Williams was doing.  Williams has been caught on tape in defensive meetings listing injuries that other team players had before games, basically telling players "hit this guy in the knee" and so on. Gregg Williams has been banned indefinitely and will most likely not be able to work in the NFL ever again.  Recently the NFL has handed down bans for some players involved. The problem is, and the NFL players Union is calling the NFL out on the fact, that there is no proof that players carried out any of these hits. When they went back and looked at all of the games where a "bounty" was supposedly in effect, they haven't found any unusual or illegal hits outside of what normally happens in a game. Unfortunately for the Saints front office, there is no appeal process and they don't have a union and work at the whim of the NFL Commissioner. The players having a union behind them is going to make this very messy for the NFL as there is seemingly no proof of any wrongdoing by players.

Interesting, right?

Here we have the notion of sporting intergrity being compromised and BANG bans and suspensions are handed out all over the place. Meanwhile in Planet Scotland it seems sporting integrity means vey little if it also means that Rangers will be punished. Forget the laughable reaction to the registration ban in a time where they have no cash anyway, the real issues of sporting integrity come from the double contracts investigation and the issue of a Newco being parachuted into the SPL. My last blog provoked of a reaction, some totally in favour, others on the fence, one telling me I'm not a Celtic supporter. I can deal with that on the basis that I, nor anyone, needs to justify their support of Celtic. I've bantered plenty in my life about folk who didn't go cause of nagging partners, work committments and so on, but you never doubted where their heart would be. Make no mistake about it, Scottish football is at its watershed moment.

I had a chance encounter this morning with a Celtic player from the 95/96 season and that gave me the chance to ask him a few questions about the Rangers thing and the notion that Celtic were fighting unseen forces. He thought about it for a while and then said "There was a feeling at the time that whatever we did, they were always one step ahead of us no matter what" When I pushed him on this he went on to say "in the 95/96 season we had a great side and in the last few months a lot of us have spoken about the fact that we only lost one game in the entire season yet still didn't win the league, yeah, that still rankles"

As the story of The Murray era at Rangers continues to unfold you have to wonder if Ramgers were not just one step ahead on the park, particularly in that season. It took the McCann/Burns regime one season to catch up with Ramgers. You have to wonder how things would have turned out had they had a level playing field.

It's also difficult not to let your mind wander about what would be happening now if the NFL, not the SPL, ran Scottish football.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Emotionally Celtic



A book that has sprung up again recently is Emotionally Celtic by Matt McGlone. I've probably read the book about 100 times in my life right from when it first came out in the mid 90s. It's fascinating, insightful, well-written and an important piece of Celtic history we should all take time to know. It takes me back to a time where the Celtic heart was being ripped out of me. From about October 1993 right up until Motherwell at home in March 1994 I was boycotting Celtic home games. That doesn't mean I was sitting in the hoose or going shopping at Asda instead, that means I travelled through on the supporters bus, shouted some abuse in the car park, went to The Oak Bar until full time, then went back to the car park to shout more abuse. It was a miserable existence.

I had hoped that I'd never have to experience this sort of thing again but I can feel it now and it's horrible. As the days tick down to May 30th and the vote that could change Scottish football forever draws ever closer, I'm starting to feel sick about it. I just cannot bring myself to renew a season ticket until I know that the Newco will not be allowed in the SPL. Anyone who thinks that is posturing is deluded. It's ripping me apart but those bastards on the other side of the city took a lot of good men out with their criminal ways(and you wait til this BBC documentary shows what they were up to) and I cherish the memory of guys like Tommy Burns who gave everything to stop them. I cannot buy into a league that vindicates that kind of behaviour.

It would rip my life apart to never go back. I've been hoping, praying, Celtic are going to unload soon and whilst I can see why they haven't, wee statements on the website don't cut it. The Celtic support is rudderless just now up to a point. Guys like Matt McGlone who led it eloquently through different eras are a dying breed. The people showing the most leadership are The Green Brigade. Quite frankly they set the standard when it comes to communicating what I feel to the board and I am sure many others feel the same way.

Not everyone will of course, I just think that if a Newco is let back and when the full extent of the Murray regime is revealed, folk are going to be stunned, Then raging. Call me old fashioned but football is not just about money and trophies. If it was, there would be no one at Hampden tomorrow. Think about that.

I hate seeing things like the idiotic Fenway Sports Group take a blunt instrument to a guy like Kenny Dalglish. I hate seeing all those empty corporate seats at Wembley cause the ones with tickets got a better freebie that day. I hate seeing supporters mocked and derided becauise they care about their club. I hate seeing pundits trying to sanitise and excuse betrayal and claim loyalty is overated. This game of football is about the people and it should be for the people but if it takes the "We are the People" view, god help us all.

Emotionally Celtic is available from @mattmcglone9

Monday, May 14, 2012

The Cause

Tommy Burns wasn't one for shirking a challenge. I've been lucky enough to meet a few Celtic players in my life and quite a few of them fought with Tommy. Guys like Billy McNeill, Mick McCarthy and Roy Aitken are not men to be messed with yet Tommy fought with them all. Peter Grant wasn't blessed with a huge amount of ability yet his committment was not in question. Except by Tommy. Fergus will tell you that in all his life he didn't argue with anyone more than he did Tommy.  All of this was driven by one thing, the desire to make things better at Celtic. As a Celtic supporter, you want someone like that about the club.

Four years on from his passing I'm sure he looks down with great pride at what Neil Lennon has achieved at Celtic, another in the Tommy mould. It's hard to imagine that only two years ago Neil Lennon was dragged round the country, not having been given the job at this time, to Q&A sessions. Subjects relating to his appointment were skated around and a very awkward situation was finally put to bed when he was given the job. I'll be honest, I didn't want him to get the job, for one reason, experience. More so Rangers fans celebrated him getting the job.

What Neil Lennon has done in the last two years, more than winning the Scottish Cup, more than winning the League Championship, is that he has restored the pride back into Celtic at one of the hardest times in the clubs history. Think back to that Ross County game and the abuse the players took in the car park post match, when you watched that on You Tube, did you honestly disagree with most of it? The support was incredibly divided at that time. Now look.

It's important also to recognise the staff at Celtic. First there is John Park. Neil Lennon himself said at the football writers do on Sunday night that it was down to John Park that the likes of Wanyama, Izzaguire and Kayal are now plying their trade at Celtic Park. What's also became clear is that the youth set up that has been put in place, the brianchild of Park and Tommy Burns, is now bearing fruit.

Alan Thompson has played a huge part in the resurgence of Celtic. The manager's close confidant, he will be the buffer between Neil and the players and folk will tell you that that is not an easy job but it is one he has done very well in knitting together such a close squad. Garry Parker would also be close to Neil but be "one of the boys" at training and keep things light as possible.

Johan Mjallby is an interesting one. He and Neil were never big pals as players, yet he was the first guy Neil went to when he took over from Tony Mowbray. Why? he's not a yes man. Mjallby is a very analytical type of guy who won't just nod his head any time anyone says anything. It's an important dynamic that has helped shape our management team and more importantly our players know where they stand.

This is a big summer for Celtic, we are in a good place, we have a good squad at the club which does need trimmed but also needs three additions to makes us dominant in Scotland and able to compete in Europe. That's a credit to everyone at the club that we are able to be in that position, including Peter Lawwell and the board, but now their job really begins. In my whole life there has always been this "We are two or three players away from being a really good team" thing at Celtic. Peter Lawwell and co now have the opportunity to bridge that gap and this coluld be an exciting summer for Celtic.

First though, wherever you are today, spare a wee thought for Tommy.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Goodnight from Me

I cannot think of a season that has felt as long as this. I'm sure some folk will agree, others may not, but for me personally this has been a draining year.

So this is my last blog of the season and I am taking a break from Twitter for a while. I don't want to be overly dramatic but folk close to me will know why I had to come back at such short notice and that reason was never going to get better, and now I need to devote more time on that front.

I also do think that with four books out in a year, it's time to step back a wee bit and make sure the folk who aren't already sick of me, don't become so.

This is not for a sympathy vote, just a "This is what I am doing" Post it note.

So to all who read and those who don't, take care.

Paul.

The Football Factory



It's not easy being a football fan these days. Leaving aside the walking dead at Ibrox, your average fan is seen as a cash register for most clubs. At Celtic we at least win the odd trophy, but in the main fans are asked to stump up for very little back.

Take the current situation at Hibs. Once they reached the cup final they could not get their season ticket renewals out quick enough. Hmmm. The catch was of course that to get a cup final ticket you had to either be a season ticket holder or buy one for next season. At the time of writing Hibs don't even know what division they will be in next season. Do you think a refund on their SPL priced season ticket will come if they get relegated?

I bought tickets for our game versus St Johnstone for someone last night, given the timescale I chose the "Print at Home" option, glad to be saving the "Internet Charge" that gets foisted upon us for, er, I'm not sure. Of course I was wrong, I was charged £1.75 for having them send me an email with the tickets in. Seriously?

Football clubs, and especially Celtic and Hibs in Scotland(wonder why it is those two specifically...), just don't get it. Hibs have torn the arse out of their support so much in recent years that Easter Road is like a ghost town for home games. Similarly Celtic fought tooth and nail against The Green Brigade for years but will happily rip off their slogans to sell season tickets and crap merchandise.


Any time I breach these subjects I get stick. Some folk cannot see any bad in the club they support and hate any criticsim of them. Me? I see Celtic as ours, the supporters, not some capitalist gang bang where employees are paid low wages by fats cats to churn out endless crap like some sweatshop factory in Indonesia.

When I saw my season ticket had risen by £30 it gave me a decision to make. Can I keep justifying this in these troubled financial times? I put the question out on Twitter and whilst some people said they were in exactly the same boat others lambasted me for even questioning the raise. That's before we even talk Newco.


Being an auld bugger now when I got taken to football growing up I never paid in anywhere. I was lifted over or squeezed in.Then when I was an adult and on was on the dole in the early 90's, there was an unofficial gate for dole moles like me where you showed your brew card and got in for cheaper. To this day, I've no idea if that was sanctioned or not.

Maybe as I get older I just moan more? That could be it. Sometimes if you get too close to thing you love you can see all its faults. That's certainly true. I would just like to see something given back to the supporters. We have put Celtic on the rich list for football clubs in the world for years now, it's our money in tickets and merchandise that does that, pretty much every other club are there because TV revenue is just handed over to them.

Someone said to me last week, in a friendly manner, "You're too militant to be a football fan"

He may have a point there but I see the alternative to not keeping an eye on things as what is happening at Ibrox right now.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Up the Workers, Down with Doncaster


Today is a day for comrades all around the world to remember that there is still some fight left in them. As the UK is ravaged the by The Bullingdon Club(above) and millions of people are thrown into poverty, it is important now, more than ever, not to turn the other cheek to your fellow human, the people who have done nothing wrong. We live in times where poor people are asked to pay for the idiocy of the rich, some might say we always have, and whilst there are tax cuts for the rich, the poor have benefits cut and social cleansing forced on them. I hope on Saturday, when marches and parades take place all over the world, you take the time to join one. I know I will be.



I should also wish my friend, @wee162, a Happy Birthday today. Being a Marxist, Leninist and huge fan of Lee Harvey Oswald, he will appreciate the fact he was born on May 1st more than most. Kidding.


I was out last night so missed Neil Doncaster's(above) first attempt to destroy Scottsh football (Or was it the first? The TV Deal may have been it). It was sad but very predictable. A man who only cares about his pay packet and bonuses linked to it, he appears to be utterly incredulous at the notion that some football fans actually couldn't care less about money. As surprising as it is to his type, some people take things like sporting integrity very seriously. Having lived in America for five years, I've seen how they handle cheats. Barry Bonds broke the home run record in Baseball with the aid of steroids. The ball(pictured below) he did it with sits in the Baseball Hall of Fame at Cooperstown, NY. It was bought at auction and the purchaser asked America what should go by it? Overwhelmingly America told him, an asterix. To denote the record was gained by cheating.



So Neil Doncaster, you and your colleagues have one decision to make, and it's the only decision needed. Do you send out the message that cheaters do win and that Scottish football cares about only one thing, money? Or do you do what is morally right and punish the cheaters and show the world that the game in Scotland still has some integrity?

Because right now it looks like you're auditioning for The Bullingdon Club.